Forgiving you only means forgiving myself.

The topic of forgiveness always finds a way to come back. I was recently having a conversation about the importance of forgiveness with one of my amazing friends and I thought I would share a little of what forgiveness means to me. Before I get into it, let me just say I am learning a lot about myself by simply having a talk about different topics and attentively listening. Things I will be highlighting on today will also include things I did not necessarily know before that particular conversation regarding forgiveness.

Let’s take a case scenario where someone intentionally has caused you harm. What do you do next? If you are like me, you won’t rush to talking things out. I usually take my time because I know If I do not end up taking the necessary measures to have time with myself first, I can possibly act out of impulse and I am certain that it won’t be productive. However, I also understand why others do not see the significance in having a conversation with those that intentionally hurt people.

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Furthermore, I truly do believe in the power of forgiveness and how that can help you in your healing process. However, if you ask me what it means to say I have forgiven someone for intentionally causing me pain, it would mean forgiving myself for not knowing better, for keeping up with what could have been damaging for myself, for constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt and for not setting proper boundaries earlier. It would also mean prioritizing my mental and emotional well-being where I would intentionally do things that make me feel better. It could be going in solo-trip, it could be as simple me time at home, journaling, singing, dancing, spending time with God, walking, a glass of wine or more wine lol.

That being said, I think it is important that we take actions of those that intentionally hurt people for what they are. Then, the next step would be acknowledging our feelings and emotions and intentionally trying our best to shift our attention to something greater. People learn the hardest way about people who they give second chances when they hurt them again and again. That is when we will have to ask ourselves a million dollar question and find out whether or not you respect yourself enough to step back from people who lack self-respect.

Besides, what does it mean when you say I forgive you to someone, my friend asked. Forgiveness only has to do with you. The other person also needs to do the same thing to free themselves without depending on the person who is hurt. The need to say “I have forgiven you” should be less emphasized upon because I feel like we say it out of a habit and not necessarily because there are tangible things we do to help those that hurt us in their healing process.

So next time someone intentionally hurts you, let us challenge ourselves to say we have forgiven ourselves for blank & blank, because forgiving others only means forgiving ourselves and if that would set you free, I will gladly repeat it and I hope you do too!

Thanks for reading!

Till next time

Love & Blessings

Xoxo

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