Relationships should be treated with discipline by both parties. You cannot expect it to be fruitful if you do not put in the work. Similarly, in our lives, we have our inner challenges and, as a result, we fight everyday to overcome those obstacles. The consequences of those struggles can materialize and affect not only us but the people that surround us.
For instance, an addiction to gambling. To elaborate, this can manifest itself in financial turmoil and to depression, although it is an extreme example. Why is such phenomenon relevant to this topic? The consequences of these issues can be bad for the relationships you maybe/are in and it is important to spot the signs of said issues.
Here are some anecdotal red flags that I retrospectively should not have ignored:
- Spiritually unaligned: If you cannot spiritually meet the other person on the same level you are in now, you are spiritually unaligned. The kind of love you have for one another does not go beyond physical and emotional attraction, thus, partners will rely on temporary feelings and lust that won’t last long. When you have the greatest God to look up to though, you know the foundation is strong, because there is no love greater than God’s. If you find yourself interested in someone whose spiritual journey does not match with yours, please give them space to grow on their own and just maintain your friendship without pursuing each other on the next level. You will most likely disappoint yourself if you give it a shot!
- Poor communication: If communicating things with your partner will get them upset for any reason, you are in the wrong boat boo. If they also run away from addressing things, even if it may not be big in their eyes, not giving you the need to talk is worth being cautious for. Skipping conversations and claiming that it is okay when it is not, and especially when you think the need to talk about certain things is a big deal. If they are mature and care about you enough, they will do anything to talk it out. However, something that you need to be careful for is persuasive words. Their words can say they love you so much that they they cannot bare to argue with you! Nope, you need to be able to recognize this character a huge red flag. Someone who loves you will want to listen to you, not the other way round.
- Belittling you and other people: If the person you are with is not humble about the things they do, their accomplishments, what they are good at, constantly bragging to you about how they have managed a company or have helped their family in a way that no one else had and that everybody depended on them, as if other people are unable to do those things, this is a major red flag. Additionally, if they constantly belittle your desire to do things, question your ability, and do not encourage you to go beyond your limits, they are not for you. We all know we are our own limitation, the least thing we want is for someone to add on it. Be very careful on this.
- Doubt: Someone who doubts themselves doubts others. People who are unsure of themselves do not know what they want. In other words, they do not want you. Why would you linger around somebody that does not want you? Don’t pay attention to words, actions speak louder.
- Rushing things: People who do not have self confidence on who they are and what they do, they will rush you to do things out of the ordinary and you will most definitely feel it. You are not wrong for questioning it boo, walk on your own pace and if you partner cannot respect it, know that they cannot even be there for themselves let alone an additional adult. When you rush things, you are not giving yourself or the other person the necessary time to establish friendship.Where is the lie here?
- Guilt trip you: This is a psychological manipulation that you should NEVER ignore. People who guilt trip you know what they are doing. They do not consider your feelings nor do they have empathy. This is a major narcissistic character and please never think you are the problem here. Gas-lighting is their favourite thing to do and let me tell you they enjoy doing it. Please, walk the heck a way!
- Constantly needs reassurance: Someone who needs constant reassurance is battling insecurity within themselves and projecting it towards the other person. This is a major red flag to watch out.
- Dishonesty: The weakest type of people are the ones that cannot stay truthful. They lack the ability to comprehend long term consequences. Lying shows a lack of respect for yourself and partner, destroys the trust and victimizes the other person, for example, feeling like a fool for believing what they told you. Do not let them lie to you for the second time!
- Disrespectful: I won’t even say much about this because it is universal truth that people who do not respect themselves do not respect others. Why would you want to be with somebody who lacks self-respect?
- When they do one thing and hold it over your head forever: When the person you are with repeatedly reminds you of the favours they have done you in the past, you have got to remind yourself that you are independent and can do things on your own. Never rely on these kind of people.
- Laziness: If someone is not ambitious about life in general and have no desire to better things for themselves, they ain’t for you. You will find yourself dragged down to their level. Move on sis!
- Inconsistency and lack of effort: When people are hot and cold, believe them because that is exactly who they are. When you also find yourself putting more effort to do things, that is very unhealthy and makes you feel clingy. Of course talk it out first, but if they claim to be sorry and repeat the same pattern, they are playing mind games. The best way to play players is to leave their game and never entertain them.
- Never admit they are wrong: Some people view apology as a weakness but it realistically shows that you have the strength to make a situation better. If you find yourself questioning your partner why they do not apologize to you, you are indirectly asking why they do not value you. Girl, you need to love yourself more and move on!
- Insincere apology: Some people may also apologize just to make you feel better for that moment, and they keep doing whatever they were doing. There are also people who fake cry because they know how much of empathetic person you are. Cry me a river baby, words without actions mean nothing.
- Bringing all the baggage from past relationship: People who do not take the time to heal on their own after a break up will most likely bring unnecessary emotional baggage to the next partner and this will weigh you down. This will also make you doubt yourself overall and your ability to sustain a relationship. Moreover, the unresolved past trauma stops you from creating a positive relationships. Take the time you need to heal baby girl, where is all the rush to?
Ladies and gentlemen, love should not be mediocre because it is not. And to my ladies, this is not always about the other person. Let’s get deep and cleanse ourselves!
Thanks for reading!
Till next time
Love & Blessing